Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Feed Failure in 5 Easy Steps

Are you tired of having a successful blog with a large readership? Is the pressure of having a large subscriber base getting you down. Do you want to end the headaches caused by the incessant hunger of subscribers for new food from your feed? Take five of these and comment in the morning.

Step 1

Remove all Feed Subscription buttons from your site. If you want to know what some look like check the end of this post. If you see anything remotely like this or anything that says subscribe, bookmark, fave, or add this, REMOVE THEM IMMEDIATELY. You do not want people to be able to easily subscribe to your feed. By removing all of these buttons most people just won't bother.

Step 2
Use one or two word non-descriptive titles for all of your posts. Headlines like Post 1, Title, or Article are surefire ways to not grab a persons attention. With headlines like this your feed is sure to go unnoticed in the subscribers reader.

Step 3
Post articles on your blog only once every month or so. This infrequent posting is a great way to ensure "feed blindness" or in extreme cases "feed deletion" or even "feed death"

Step 4
Cram your feed full of In-Your-Face feedvertising. Your readers will just love having to wade through, climb over, and marco-polo their way around ads to find your content. This little game of hide-and-seek will be sure to induce feelings of annoyance and frustration among your subscribers.

Step 5
If steps 1-4 fail, or would that be succeed, then it is time for drastic measures. You must now ignore step 3 and begin to post at least 10 - 15 totally useless posts a day preferably full of useless gibberish that appears to be written by those monkeys we've all heard about pounding away in a sweatshop somewhere trying desperately to compose the complete works of Shakespeare, or articles full of run-on sentences.

If for some reason these 5 steps don't work for you, my friend, then you must have been beaten with a lucky stick at sometime in this or a past life and are just doomed to success for all eternity. If that is you then I wash my hands and am not to held be accountable for your success.

later all and have a profitable and productive blogging day

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Lori aka A Cowboy's Wife said...

You're so funny. It's a good article....a clever way to keep your reader intrigued.

Proletariatof1 said...

thanks I'm trying

roundouts said...

oh, I thought you were being serious!
good way to get your point accross.

Proletariatof1 said...

I have been in a very sarcastic mood lately. Maybe I should get more sleep.

Anonymous said...

I laughed a lot there. :)

Proletariatof1 said...

lucia thanks for stopping by. I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.